theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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