Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize