Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
