are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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