bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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