Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
