You can't motorboat a personality
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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