I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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