I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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