I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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