break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize