My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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