Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
