My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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