Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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