So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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