I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
