Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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