the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
