So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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