batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
