Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
