Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I FOUND THE LEGS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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