Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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