my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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