I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
