everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
