Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
