Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
