The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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