every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
