So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
