So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
