Sponge bath it is.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
