I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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