At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
