he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
