like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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