Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My vagina is officially offended.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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