if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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