I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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