I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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