Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize