all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
