He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
