My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
