Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
