No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
