I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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