The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
