The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
