It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
