I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I touched a dick in church today
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
