my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
