Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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