What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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