I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
