Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
