Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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