i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
