even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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