Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
