At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
