I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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