She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
they need to just BURY HIM!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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