I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
