Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
