pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
