he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
