im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
