is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
