It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
