i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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