His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
