pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
